I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just pynch a tree in the face
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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