my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
