There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
