i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
