Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
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