HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
