I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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