i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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