I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
