I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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