Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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