Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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