3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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