she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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