dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
