How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
