btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize