Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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