I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize