I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
