i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
