I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
