WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
