babies were throwing up all over the place
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
