I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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