Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
