Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
