I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
