i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
