I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize