so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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