I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
