Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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