when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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