With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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