Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
