Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
