I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
