I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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