i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
