Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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