I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
