I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
