Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
