Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize