Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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