In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
the liver wants what the liver wants
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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