Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
