You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I understand Curling. That high.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
