dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
