is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
