I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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