Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
