Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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