i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
