i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
