Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
