I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
