Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize