i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
