I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
