I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
