I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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