no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
