a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
