I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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