bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
