I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
