Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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