so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
