we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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