the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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