Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
