I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
