I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
