he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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