i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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