I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Too much gin, very little bucket
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
