i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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