I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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