when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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