I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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