Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
