Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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