Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
