Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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