I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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