I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
