You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
