I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
