hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
