I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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