no one should ever give us hovercrafts
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize