I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she pinky promised me she was 18
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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