Do you still have your period?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
