Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
