If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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