Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
