we're chasing vodka with high fives
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
