This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
