You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
