I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
