The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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