I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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