i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
