dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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