He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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