The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
