Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
