Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
